


Anxiety and Reckless Optimism

by Emily_P



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Body Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Character, solangelo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 19:19:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5260568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emily_P/pseuds/Emily_P
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Solace hardly ever let himself show any emotion other than happiness, but there were a few times he let Nico see him at his lowest. A story about Will handling body dysphoria and how Nico helped him through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anxiety and Reckless Optimism

Will Solace was an almost recklessly optimistic person, and for the first few months of their friendship, Nico didn’t think that Will could manage to be more upset than “the dog in the movie just died.” He was the kind of person to dance to the music in his own head when he didn’t think anyone was watching, and hum show tunes as he set a person’s broken ankle. Being around someone that unapologetically happy had started to have a positive effect on Nico. 

For the past few months, Will had really been there for Nico, helping him get through a lot of repressed and internalized emotions. Nico was far from healed, but he was on his way up. In those times, Will had made a lot of passing comments about his own anxiety and body images, but when Nico pressed the subject, Will brushed it off as nothing. And Nico was stupid enough to believe that it was. Nico had noticed Will’s bad habit of doing that, and Nico worried that Will saw it fit to light him self on fire if it meant healing others. Occasionally, Nico would catch Will bringing something up from his past, then moving on quickly, not letting anyone in on his problems. Nico once caught Will telling one of his youngest siblings “I don’t have any problems, I’m a doctor.” 

Nico got the feeling that his friend was ignoring his own problems to help others with theirs. Half of Nico wanted to grab Will and yell “You’ve done so much for everyone else, you’re allowed to feel pain!” and the other half just figured Will would talk to him when he was ready. 

If he was being honest, Nico wasn’t all that sure why Will would keep something from him. He figured after that first night in the infirmary after the war, everything was on the table between them. Nico was hardly ready to walk down FDR Drive waving a pride flag, but he had come out to Will that first night, and Will had done the same. When Nico found out that Will was bisexual his heart did a little (unauthorized) flip in his chest. But when Will came out to him as transgender about a minute later, Nico was confused. While he had managed to learn the basics about sexualities, gender issues were still lost on him. It only took Will a few minutes to explain to Nico what it meant, trying to hide the fact that he was shaking. When he was done, Nico just looked at him. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Nico told him, “and thank you for explaining what it was. Sorry, parts of me are still in the forties.” 

Will just shook his head, “It’s okay, and thanks for not running.” 

Shrugging his shoulders, Nico told him: “Unless I misunderstood you, you just told me you were a boy. That wasn’t new information.” 

That was the last they had really talked about Will’s gender. It wasn’t like Nico was expecting every conversation to be about LGBT issues, but he thought something so important would come up more. 

Nico was content to wait for Will to open up, though, as long as he was happy. 

Nico didn’t get a chance to wait for Will to open up, instead he saw him break. 

It wasn’t anything horrible, just some blood. 

Nico walked into the infirmary with some coke cans for him and Will to share, and saw Will talking to a patient, his back to Nico. Nico noticed the small red stain on the back of his friend’s pants, and quickly (with as much calm, cool, collected energy he could muster) pulled Will away, standing against his back, so no one else would see. 

He pulled Will aside into a corner space of the infirmary where the medical supplies were kept. 

“What are you doing?” Will asked. 

Nico lowered his voice so he would accidently out him, “You got your period.” 

Will’s face went whiter than Nico knew possible, and his hand went to the back of his pants, as some sort of confirmation. 

“Hey, it’s ok, I’ll go get –” Nico tried to reassure him, but Will cut him off. 

“No … I’m gonna …” Will pointed vaguely behind him, still looking pale. He ran both his hands through his hair, then down his face, “just um … I need to …” Will took off in the other direction. 

“Will!” Nico followed him, but he was greeted by a locked bathroom door. Nico knocked softly. “Will? You ok?” 

“Go away!” Will’s voice was shaky, but affirmative. 

Nico knew that when people asked for space, it should be given, but he wasn’t just going to abandon his friend; he knew how dark it could get behind locked doors. He quickly made his way out of the infirmary and down to the Apollo cabin. 

He found Kayla in there, “Are you here for cabin inspection?” She asked. 

“No,” he said, “Will, well, I was hoping you could help.” He didn’t exactly know how to start the conversation, “He um … got his period, and I think he needs some new clothes and what ever else you need for that.” Never thought I’d miss not having sex ed when I was younger, he though, completely unsure of what was actually happening. 

Thankfully, Kayla knew what to do. “Yeah, here.” She went over to the other side of the room and opened Will’s trunk of things. “Take these,” she handed him a pair of pants, “these,” Nico tried not to blush when she put a pair of panties on the pile, “these,” the blush only got worse when she added a pair of boxers, “and these.” The last was a box of pads. She pulled out a drawstring backpack, opened it, and had Nico dropped the things into it. “That should be everything. Listen, he might be upset, and he might not want to talk about it. I’ll make sure he’s okay, so don’t worry if he’s shaken.” 

“Thanks, Kay.” Nico said before leaving the cabin. 

He went back into the infirmary, and knocked on the still locked bathroom door. “Hey Will?” 

“I told you to leave me alone.” His voice sounded broken. 

“I know, and I will, but your sister gave me some stuff you might need, if you can just open the door a little. I’m not looking I swear.” Nico leaned his back against the door, and heard the lock click and the door slowly open. He held out the drawstring bag, and he felt Will grab it. 

Still not quite ready to leave, Nico sat outside the bathroom, hoping Will would come out soon. 

About ten minutes after giving him the bag, Will stepped out of the bathroom. 

“You didn’t leave?” He noticed right away. 

Nico stood up, “Yeah, I wanted to give you your space, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you okay?” 

Will shook his head ‘no.’ 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

There was a moment of hesitation before he nodded ‘Yes.’

“Do you want to go for a walk?” 

‘Yes’.

They walked side by side for a while, not talking, ignoring all the background noise of campers training. Nico tried to think of something to say to Will that would help, but his mind just turned up blank. 

Finally, when they reached the edge of the river will kicked off his shoes and sat down, dipping his feet in. He watched the ripples move away, took a deep breath and finally said, “I’m sorry.” 

Nico sat down next to him, confused. “About what?” 

Will ran a hand through his hair. “I probably freaked you out.”   
“You didn’t.” Nico assured him, “You’ve seen me at my worst too, I just wanted to be there to make sure you were all right. Are you?” 

Will just shrugged. “I guess I’m the same as I always am.” Nico was pretty sure he knew how Will always was, and this wasn’t it. 

Nico moved closer to him. “Well, now I’m nervous, because you definitely aren’t.” Nico placed his hand gently on his friend’s. “What’s wrong Will?” 

Will took a deep breath. “You know you use to say that you didn’t feel like you fit in anywhere because you were a son of Hades? Like, everyone knew you were a demigod, you knew you were a demigod, but there was still something about you that made you seem ‘other’ to everyone?” 

“Yeah?” 

“That’s what it’s like for me everyday. Except instead of being a demigod it’s being a boy.” Will paused. Nico tried not to notice Will quickly wiping tears from his eyes. “It’s like, everyone knows I’m a boy, and I know it, but there’s something different. And some days I can pretend its not there, but then there are days like today where … People can really see it, you know?” Tears started coming faster, and Will just whipped them away faster and faster. Nico heard him mutter “shit” under his breath, and Nico gave Will’s hand a support squeeze. 

“Do you want to go to my cabin, it’s probably quieter and more private.” Nico offered.   
Usually, Will avoided the Hades cabin during the day, preferring to be in the sun or the well-lit Apollo cabin, but he wasted no time nodding his head. 

They were silent on the walk again, and every time he saw Will’s hand go to his face, Nico wanted to reach out and hold the other, just to let Will know he was still there. 

Inside the Hades cabin was dark, even with the lights on. “I can open the window if you   
want.” Nico said. 

Will just shook his head and sat on Nico’s bed. Nico sat down next to him. 

“We’re alone now, if you wanted to talk about it more, if not, we can do something to get your mind off of it.” That was the same line Will used a lot when he was helping Nico with his recovery. Nico felt kind of bad for stealing it, but figured it had to work for Will if Will liked it so much. 

“No, you’re my friend I think you should know what’s going on.” Will told him.   
“Basically, when things like this happen, I get a lot of gender dysphoria, which causes a lot of anxiety and a lot of freaking out.” He ran a hand through his hair. “People always talk about women and their periods, and its all very aimed at women, so when I go through it, it gets really hard to still see myself as a boy, because I’m going through something people say only happens to women. It’s the same with my,” He gestured at his chest, “I don’t just bind to pass, I do it because it makes me feel better. And when I have to take it off at night … I hate it. And I hate feeling this way, because the people who made me feel like this are the ones who just write off my experience as ‘trapped in the wrong body’ when it was them who put me here. It’s such a hard thing to explain to people, that my skin doesn’t feel like mine. I don’t hate my body, I don’t hate myself, it’s just that it’s not mine. It feels like my skin wants to crawl off of me. Then at the end of the day, I can’t even tell what I’m feeling anymore, I just know that there’s a lot of it.” Will took a deep breath, and looked at Nico for the first time since they had started talking. “And it can just get so hard.” Will finally broke and started sobbing. Nico wasted no time breaking his ‘no hugs rule’ and pulled Will in close. 

They stayed like that for a while; Nico occasionally whispering, “it’ll be okay” to Will, hoping that it would be sort of comforting. 

Will pulled away after a few minutes, calmer than he was before. “Thank you.” He barely whispered. 

“Anything for a friend.” Nico told him, and he meant it. 

They stayed there, sitting across from each other on Nico’s bed, long after the sun set, talking through everything. 

“You’ve never seemed any different to me,” Nico told him. “Obviously, your experiences are different than mine, but I’ve never seen you as anything but a boy.” 

“Even after today?” 

“Yeah, it didn’t change anything. I’ve known you were trans from the first few hours of really getting to know you, and I’ve never looked at you like ‘oh there’s my friend Will and his uterus,’” Will let out a small laugh, “it’s always just been, ‘oh there’s my friend Will.” 

“That really means a lot to me.” Will smiled at him, looking more like his usual plucky optimistic self. 

“And I hope you know I’m not just saying that to make you feel better.” 

“I know, I trust you.” 

Nico smiled. “That really means a lot to me.” 

Nico tried to ignore how pink Will’s cheeks were when Will said: “I guess we just mean a lot to each other.” 

“I guess we do.” 

Nico was rarely unaware of the world around him. Being a demigod kept a person on high alert, and rarely those boundaries went down. For Nico, there was only one person who could bring them down, and he was on his back underneath Nico. 

The two sixteen-year-olds didn’t have a problem sharing the small space of Nico’s bed when they found a few spare minutes to be alone, and they had found quite a few in the last six months. He heard Will laugh when he squeezed his hip, and brushed his lips against Will’s, a gentle tease. Will’s hand went to the back of Nico’s neck and pulled him down gently, getting the real kiss he deserved. Nico nearly melted into it, and lost focus of everything else, including his hands moving too high up Will’s torso.

The kiss was broken when he heard Will let out a quick, airy, “No!” and quickly shimmy out from under Nico, sitting up in front of his boyfriend. Nico sat up and looked at him. 

“Will?” Nico looked at him. 

“I’m sorry.” Will looked shocked, “I don’t … I …” 

When Will started to lose his words and get quiet was when Nico knew that something was wrong. “Are you okay?” 

“No.” 

“Do you need me to leave?” Nico asked. He asked this every time Will had or was near a panic attack, but the answer had always been no. 

“Yes.” 

It took Nico a second to figure out what Will had just said to him, before he slowly got off the bed. “Yeah, okay, I’ll … um … be in the bathroom. Yell if you need me.” Nico stood up, watched Will nod, and made his way out of the room. 

He didn’t know how long he was sitting on his bathroom floor, but it seemed like forever. He considered melting into the shadows and just staying in the Underworld, figuring he probably just messed everything up with Will. 

Finally, Will slowly opened the door. “Nico?” 

Nico stood up off of his spot on the floor. “Hey, are you okay?” 

Will shrugged and took Nico’s hand, “Can we talk?” Nico just nodded. 

Will sat on the bed, Nico sat next to him. “I’m not breaking up with you,” was the first thing Will said, and it let Nico relax just a little bit, “there are just some things that have been bothering me.” 

Nico moved closer to Will, and put his hand over his boyfriend’s. Will didn’t pull his away. “They’re things that haven’t happened yet,” Will continued, “but I’m worried about them.” Nico squeezed Will’s hand and encouraged him to keep talking. “Today … what just happened, it freaked me out because I’m not ready to do anything like that.”

“I’m not ready either, sex and all that is way –“ 

“It’s not just sex, it’s taking shirts off and a lot of touching, and being really close together … it’s just not something that I feel ready to let happen. And you might be ready for all of that in a month, or three, or six. I might not be for years.” Will took a deep breath. “And I need you to know that. I don’t want you to feel like you wasted your time, and I don’t want to feel like I owe you something. So if it’s gonna be a problem, I’d rather us just end it now so neither of us get hurt.” 

Nico looked at will wide-eyed. “Have you been worrying about this since the beginning?” 

Will just nodded meekly. 

“Will,” Nico moved closer, gently placing a hand on Will’s cheek, trying to get him to face him, but Will brushed it off, “I don’t mind waiting. If we break up, it will never be because of something like that. I would rather wait with you than do something you weren’t comfortable with.” 

Will was quiet for a minute once Nico finished. Will finally worked up the courage to bring up the thing that had really been bothering him: “What about stuff you’re not comfortable with?” 

Nico looked at him quizzically, “What are you talking about?” 

Will let go of Nico’s hand and ran it through his hair. “You’ve never seen me without a binder or without a shirt, and I’m worried that when you do …” Will took a deep breath. “I know you’ll be repulsed when you see me. Face it, I’m not what you really want!” 

“Will!” Nico was shocked t what Will was saying, and he felt terrible for not realizing how Will had been feeling like that their entire relationship. “Will, listen to me, that won’t –“ 

Will stood up, “Can you honestly promise me that won’t happen? Can you honestly tell me that if I took off all my clothes right now you wouldn’t want to walk out that door?” 

Nico stood up, looked Will in the eye, and said: “Yes, yes I can promise you that! Will, I love you, and I love the front of you.” Nico put a hand behind Will’s neck and pulled him in close. “Will, please believe it.” 

Will shut his eyes tight, and Nico felt Will’s arms wrap around his waist. After a few deep breathes, Will muttered, “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” Nico asked. His thumbs brushed over Will’s cheeks, and Will opened his eyes.

“Freaking out.” 

“You’re allowed to do that.” Nico led them both back on the bed. “Have you really felt that way the whole time?” Will just nodded. 

“Come on, you know the looks we get when people know … ‘Oh is he bi?’ ‘Oh how does that work?’ And you...” Will ran his hand through his hair, pulling on the ends of it, and then he turned to look at Nico, “well, you do like girls so how does this work?” 

Nico looked at him. His face was softer than it had been before, less angry. “I’ve never been attracted to a woman, not once.” Nico rested a hand on Will’s knee. “And I’ve also never let myself think of you in a way that was anything but who you are. When we were kissing before, I didn’t imagine you having some body that’s not yours, I thought about you. And I’ve literally never been attracted to someone more than you.” Nico put a hand under Will’s chin and turned his head so they were looking at each other. “When I said I loved the front of you, I meant it.” He put his hand on the side of Will’s face. “I can absolutely make you that promise, and I’ll remind you every day if you need me to.” 

Will looked down, but Nico could see him biting his lip trying to hold back a smile. When Will looked up his face was red, “I love you too.” 

“What?” Nico asked. 

“You told me you loved me … three times. Did you mean it?” 

Nico admittedly hadn’t noticed he had told Will that, but it was something he had been thinking about telling him for a while. “Yeah,” Nico felt his ears go red, “yeah, I really did.” 

Will leaned in and kissed him lightly. “Thank you, for being great through all of this.” 

“We need to share the emotional baggage, that’s kind of the whole point of a relationship. I’ll carry your crap on your bad days, cause I know you’re always there for mine.” Nico leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. “Promise that if you ever feel like that again you’ll tell me?” 

“Yeah, I promise.” 

And they kept that promise to each other. Over the next year, the two became much more open with each other, and they really learned to trust each other. Nico knew that Will was feeling much more confidant and sure of himself since the night in his cabin, and Nico felt healthier, too. Neither of them felt like they couldn’t tell the other something anymore. 

That didn’t mean that there still weren’t things Nico didn’t want to hear Will say. 

Will liked to bring up delicate subjects when Nico was at his weakest, like when his back was up against his cabin wall, and his hands were tracing the muscles under Will’s shirt that had only started to appear after a few months on hormone therapy. Will broke the kiss, and Nico started tracing small kisses down his neck. When Nico reached the base of Will’s neck, Will told him: “I want you to come to my house for Thanksgiving.” Nico was taken so off guard, he accidentally bit down on Will’s neck. 

“Ow!” Will jumped back rubbing his neck. “A simple ‘no’ would have been fine.” 

“Sorry.” Nico gently kissed the bite mark, and Will pouted. 

“So…?” Will asked, trying to get Nico back to the spot he was before, “What do you say?” 

“I don’t know…” Nico really wasn’t sure how he thought about meeting Will’s family. He knew that they knew about him, but spending a long weekend was something else. 

He felt Will’s fingers play with the curls in his hair, “It’ll be fun I promise.” 

Nico frowned. “You really want your Italian-born gay Jewish boyfriend to spend an American holiday with your Catholic grandparents?” 

“Hey, Grandma invited you. She really wants to meet you.” Nico felt Will get closer. 

“Does she want to meet me or convert me?” 

“Meet you. I asked.” Will’s lips were almost on his. Will knew exactly how to play him. 

“Only because I love you.” He closed the gap between them, and could feel Will smiling against his mouth. 

Nico was honestly surprised by how warmly he had been welcomed. All he had heard for two years was how Catholic his grandparents were, and Nico honestly half expected to burst into flames the minute he walked through the door. Instead, he got two hugs and a handshake. Will’s grandmother only tried to convert him once, which Nico counted as a win. 

“Yeah, she ran off with a Spanish immigrant when she was eighteen,” Will explain to him after dinner, “she doesn’t think she has any room to judge. She’s a big believer in ‘Judge, and you too shall be judged.’” 

“You really lucked out in the grandparents department.” Nico said, climbing into bed. 

“Well that, and my mom threatened to move out and never let them see me again if they didn’t respect my identity.” 

“That’s also helpful.” Nico said, looking at Will, waiting for him to get into bed. “Are you okay with this? I can still move to the couch.” 

“As long as it’s not weird to you, it won’t be weird for me.” Will said. Nico pushed back the covers, giving Will space to climb in. Even though they had been dating for over a year, Will had never let himself fall asleep next to Nico. But now, when Will lay down, Nico felt Will’s muscles relax against his chest. Nico draped an arm over Will’s side, and twisted their legs together. He couldn’t help but feel like they fit together. 

In the morning, Nico was woken up by Will getting out of bed. 

“What? Huh?” He mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What time is it?” 

“Nine,” Will said, “pretty early for you. I’m going out to get breakfast, do you want to come with me, or do you want me to bring you something?” 

Nico sat up and stretched, “I’ll come with you. Take a look at this town you’re always talking about.” 

“Awesome!” Will’s face lit up at the idea of Nico waking up early for him. He went over to the bed, and planted a kiss on Nico’s forehead. “Get changed, and we’ll go.” He said before ducking out of the room to change. 

A few minutes later the two of them were back with Jules Albert. “The Corner Bagelry, Main Street.” WiIl told Jules. “They have the best pork roll egg and cheese there.” 

Nico laughed, “I think if you looked up the opposite of a kosher diet, you get that.”

“Oh yeah, you definitely can’t eat it. But just know, if I ever send you out for one, this is where I want you to go.” 

“Alright, what ever you say.” Nico started to get cuddled up next to Will in the back seat, when the car stopped. “That was fast.” 

“Welcome to small towns.” Will said hoping out. 

The two were standing in font of what was probably the largest collection of different bagels Nico had ever seen outside of New York City. He didn’t exactly know what a French toast bagel would taste like, but before he could think about it for long, he heard a voice from behind Will and him. 

“Oh my god Mary? It’s been so long.” 

Nico saw the color drain out of Will’s face after hearing the voice. They turned around, and Nico looked at the tall blonde girl, who was smiling way too much for that early in the morning. 

“It’s Will now isn’t it?” She kept going. Nico was holding his breath waiting to see what happened next. “How have you been?” 

“Okay, I guess.” Will answered quietly. 

“Your voice sounds different. Are you on those meds that they gave to that woman on Orange is the New Black? Did they make you swallow a bobble head?” She laughed, but Nico didn’t understand the joke. 

“Kind of. I’m not on estrogen though, that’s for women.” 

“Right. So are you like … still …” She made some vague hand gesture over her chest and crotch, and Will’s face turned red. 

“Um … I don’t really …” Will started, before the woman behind the counter gave them an out. 

“Will, your food is up. Tell your mom I said happy Thanks Giving.” Will smiled at the woman and grabbed the bag quickly. 

“Thanks Donna. Bye Grace, see you around.”

Nico followed Will quickly out the door, but not fast enough to avoid hearing the girl yell: “By Mary! I mean Will! He she whatever.” 

They walked back to the car without saying anything. Once they were inside, Nico took Will’s hand, and noticed it was shaking. “Are you okay?” he asked. 

Will only shrugged. “I guess. It’s not like she meant any harm its just …” Will pulled at the ends of his bangs. “I guess she kind of reminded me how people see me. Like, sure, you, my mom, Kayla and all of them don’t treat me any differently, but not everyone is like you guys.” Will paused. “I’m just kind of tired of feeling like my skin isn’t mine. And I hate having people point it out to me. Like, sure you knew me when we were in second grade and you saw my underpants when I hung upside down on the monkey bars, but you can’t just ask about my junk when we’re getting breakfast!” Will put his face in his hands. “And on top of that, she gave away my birth name which was just a shitty thing to do!” 

Nico rubbed his back to try and calm him down. “Can I come closer?” He asked. Will nodded, his face still in his hands. Nico tried to wrap his arms around Will in some sort of awkward car side hug. Nico pressed a kiss into the back of Will’s neck. “You know I’d never call you that, right?” 

“Yeah, I know, I trust you. I still never wanted you to know.” Will picked his head up, and Nico moved over. “When I first came out, people would call me that on purpose. Michael had to put some arrows in some places before they stopped. It doesn’t matter that you know, but … it never really would have mattered if you didn’t. The idea of you ever saying that …” 

They pulled up at Will’s house, and Will jumped out before Nico could respond. When they got inside, they were alone in the kitchen. Nico put his hands on Will’s hips and turned him around to face him. 

“Hey,” Nico said, “no matter what happens, no matter what we fight about or even if we break up, I would never use that against you, and I would never tell anyone what it was. I promise.” Nico leaned up and pressed their foreheads together. “I’m sorry she did that to you.” 

“It’s not your fault. Thank you for understanding.” 

“Well I do my best.” Nico kissed him softly, then said: “If it’ll make you feel better, I can tell you something that I never wanted anyone to know about.” 

Will raised an eyebrow, and pulled away from Nico’s face, going to get his food. “What could you possibly have not told me in two years?” 

“Okay, before I tell you I need to warn you not to tell Coach Hedge or Reyna that I told you, because they might kill me.” 

Will’s eyes widened. “What happened?” 

Nico sat down at the kitchen table, took a deep breath and said: “So on the quest to bring back the Athena Parthenos, the three of us ended up in Albania …” 

By the end of the story, Will was grabbing his sides with laughter. “That definitely made me feel better.” 

“Good, then it was worth it.” 

Will threw his garbage away. “Want to go up stairs?” 

“Sure, I’d love to go back to sleep.” Nico joked, heading out of the kitchen. 

When they got upstairs, Will closed the door behind them, and Nico kicked off his shoes and got under the blankets. “I was serious about going back to sleep.” 

“You’re lame,” Will complained. 

“Just come lay next to me.” 

Nico looked down at his boyfriend, a boy who would be going into his senior year of college in two months, high out of his mind of pain medicines, who had asked for three juice boxes in the last hour. It was weird to see Will’s chest covered in so many bandages, since Will was usually the one who bandaged people. Nico couldn’t help but smile at knowing that once Will came too, he’d be happy. 

“Just come lay next to me.” Will demanded again, trying to hold out his arms to welcome Nico, but he was only able to raise his forearms. 

“Okay,” Nico sat next to him on the bed, careful not to lean on him. “How are you feeling.” Will deliriously raised his hand and gave a limp thumbs up, with a drooley smile. Nico kissed his cheek. “Good.” 

Nico spent the next few days doing the thing he loved most – nothing. He spent five days on a couch with Will watching TV, assuring Will he didn’t stink from not showering, and making sure Will had everything he needed. 

Will’s mom took care of the medical side of things – bandages, pain medicine – Nico became an expert juice box getter. Nico tried to make sure Will was as comfortable as possible in the recliner he was confined to. The first few days after the surgery had been agitating for Will, he was uncomfortable, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t shower, and he was anxious about what would happen when the bandages came off. He vocalized all of these concerns to Nico, who just squeezed his hand and kissed his head, offering to get anything he needed. 

“It’ll be okay,” Nico whispered to him. 

Will rested his hand gently on his own chest. “I just want to skip over this part.” He complained. 

“Two more days until they come off,” Nico said, taking the hand Will had rested on his chest. 

When the bandages came off, Will stood in front of the mirror in the doctor’s office. The doctor had had left him, Nico, and Will’s mom alone in the room. Will looked at himself in the mirror. He still had some bandages on, but he was able to stand, and see his whole body. It was the first time since he started going through puberty that he didn’t hate his body. He found it hard to say anything other than “Oh my god.” He started to tear up from happiness. He held out his forearms, and Nico gave him the gentlest hug he could manage. “I can’t even say how I feel.” He muttered into Nico’s shoulder. When they pulled away from each other, Nico whipped a tear from Will’s face. 

“Are you happy?” His mom asked.

Will ran his hands gently over the scars, still covered with tapes. “I couldn’t be happier.” 

Two months later, Will was doing better. He could move his arms more than he had been able to, and he was going to be able to start school on time. 

Will was laying on his back in his bed, while Nico rubbed bio oil over his scars. Nico thought back to the years in the infirmary Will tended to his scars and cuts, and smiled finally able to return the favor. 

“How are you feeling?” Nico asked him. 

“Weird,” he said, “but a good weird. I feel like this is how my chest has always looked, even though I know that’s not true.” Will smiled. “It’s hard to think that for six years I would never even imagine letting you do this.” 

Nico pushed Will hair back, “I’m so happy for you,” he said, kissing his forehead, “I know how much you wanted this.”

“Yeah, now I just have the next big milestone to look forward to.”

“And what’s that?” Nico asked.

Will smiled with reckless optimism, “Being able to sleep on my side.” He traced his fingers over his scars. He took a deep breath, and smiled.


End file.
